RAMBLINGS VOL VII – DISASTER WEEK SPECIAL

 In an eight-day period, my town in Maryland was hit by thunderstorms, lightning storms, an earthquake, and a hurricane.  The oddsmakers say that a locust attack is most likely to happen next, followed closely by raining frogs.

So yesterday our landline phone rings, and it’s that “800 Service” on the caller ID again. They have been calling for over a year, and I keep telling them that they have the wrong number, and they apologize and keep on calling. This call flipped a switch in my brain, and instead of snapping or letting them get under my skin, I went straight to "devious" mode. I checked the call log, wrote down the number, and called them back. I gave the poor sap who answered all kinds of tortuous phone shizzle while advising him that every time they called me, I would call them back. He thought that he would just stay on the line and frustrate me, but I totally out-frustrated him. At one point he pretended to put me on hold while he allegedly looked for his supervisor; I advised him to “hurry up already”. He then handed the phone to his supervisor, a Ms. XXXXX, and I told her the same thing I told him. (While I was doing this I wrote down her name so I could ask for her the next time I called.) After hearing me repeat my new mantra two or three times, she was smart enough to hang up.

Now that these telezombies know that I have their phone number and can be a bigger a-hole than they ever anticipated, I’m pretty sure I won’t be hearing from then again. If I do, I have unlimited service and a lot of time on my hands.

[Yes, I know about the Do Not Call Registry, and it works like a charm on all of our cellphones – but not on the landline for some reason.]

Our hurricane weekend in Washington DC has gone about as expected:  two power outages totaling about 14.5 hours.  What was unexpected were the two dozen or so power “dips”, which can be quite unsettling.  As of this writing power is up but Comcast (cable, Internet, and land line) is still down.  All in all, we cannot complain one bit.  Two things that went right on my spending list are: a good, dependable portable television set, and a whole crapload of C or D batteries to keep the thing running.

Random hurricane-induced ramblings follow:

Vanilla wafers are best eaten two at a time.

I like when babies point at things.

These power dips reminded me that everything you know and love can be taken away just like that.

When you know that a power outage is coming, if at all possible you should make a batch of chili beforehand.  It will come in handy.

Blackout Breakfast:  Two pieces of buttered toast make the foundation of the plate (you can still make toast if you have a gas-powered stove).  Top that with a big mound of piping-hot chili, and top that with two fried eggs.  This should be accompanied by a nice cold beverage.  Cheese, alcohol and dessert are optional.

I saw the first bit of blue sky at approximately 10:20AM Sunday morning, August 28.

In our region, it looks like Virginia definitely got the worst of it.  Two million households without power, from what I last heard.  DC looks to be OK; the trains and buses never stopped running down here.  NYC is a mess in more ways than one.  Word is spreading that the real reason NYC mass transit was shut down was to prevent widespread looting.  That said, it’s time to let out a well-kept secret:  the biggest, nastiest, scariest bunch of potential looters are the police.  They are credentialed professionals whereas the other potential looters are casual amateurs.  I am not by any means denigrating all law enforcement officials; I am just speaking on a well-known truth.

I would guess that within a month the pollen level here will skyrocket to record heights due to the unbelievably wet and damp August weather.

It’s now 8PM Sunday evening and we still have no TV or Internet.  Fortunately, I am getting tired, as I did get out and do my Sunday run this afternoon.  I believe that a nap is in my immediate future, followed by another big bowl of chili and a Dunkin’ Donut.  That should knock me out but good!

[Author’s note:  I did get some sleep but am now awake and on the prowl as usual.  Comcast went back online at about 9PM.  Knock wood, I am truly glad that this stretch of bad stuff is over.  It’s over, right?  Right?]

RAMBLINGS VOL. VI

Lately I’ve been thinking about doing Christian things (other than praying) on a daily basis.  Early on, my thoughts were always bogged down by the idea of donating.  Donating is fine, but right now I don’t have the cash to be a big donor, or even a small one at times.  Besides, I promised myself that until things get better financially that my number one charity is Me and Mine.  With that said, I need to think a lot more outside the box when it comes to performing altruistic acts in my daily life.

Since I started actively thinking about performing Christian acts, I notice that the little things are happening more naturally.  I don’t think so much about whether I should do something nice or polite; I just do it.

I get a kick out of publishing something controversial and then waiting for the approval or critique that never comes.  That usually means that it was thought-provoking – or just plain outrageous!

I LOVE the GEICO commercial featuring The Three Smartphone Dorks!  “Don’t mind if I do!”

Stick to your guns, podnuh.

I brought two bags of Tootsie Roll Pops to the dialysis center and distributed them.  Tootsie Roll Pops are a big favorite at the center because the nutritionist OKs them, they contain pseudo-chocolate, they don’t make a mess, and choking on one is pretty difficult.

I feel like Manager Dave again.  Mentally I am back on top of my game, and I am much more passionate and creative.  I’m working on my anger issues, and am more sociable.  Problem-solving is on point, as is organization and follow-up.

I bought some mandarin orange popsicles, put them in the freezer, and forgot all about them until I went to get some ice for a drink.  What a pleasant surprise!

Being a grown-up all of the time is grueling.

I have been without a printer for over a month.  Being a good technician, I troubleshot the issue (cartridge error) down to the point where the recommended solution (get a new cartridge) did not resolve the issue.  I decided that after five years of good service it was time to put Miss Print out to pasture and get a new one.  Replacement will arrive in 2-4 days.  Among other things, I managed to draft, edit and submit for publication an essay about sex and sports that I think is pretty damn good. 

Replacement printer arrived.  Guess what?  Same #@!#! error.  I packed it up and sent it back to Hell, I mean Dell.  When my account is credited, I will try HP for sure.

Reverse psychology tends to work on me.  If you tell me that I can’t do something, you can bet your bottom dollar that I will do my damndest to git’er dun….

My body makes me take days off from training every once in a while.  Today is one of those days.  Getting around is no problem at all, but every now and again my body says “Thanks for training me so hard.  I really appreciate it.  But do you think we could ease up for a day or two?”

“Jesus Christ is the same yesterday, today and forever.”  (Hebrews 13:8)  I think that this makes a pretty good mantra.

My smartphone keeps getting smarter…..

I’m watching “Scarface” late at night, and I notice that in the wedding scene Tony Montana’s banker is in the wedding party.  Perhaps that is a sign that Mr. Montana’s value system is a bit skewed?  Or maybe not….

“Sacrifice what you want for what you desire.”  -- Unknown

I am oh so eager to jump back into the mix right now!  But I will try to take one small step at a time.  I took one small step this week:  joining the Mid-Atlantic Renal Coalition’s Patient Advisory Committee.

“Persistence will always defeat resistance.”  Miss Knockout posted this, and the quotable quotes webpage did not have this listed, so I’m attributing it to her.

I just reviewed my “Birthday Food Wish List” (list of foods I can no longer eat) and I was OK right up to the end when I saw “sugar-coated cashews”.  I got all googly.  And now I want a double bacon cheeseburger slathered in ketchup, with a side of hot, crispy fries.  And a chocolate shake.

Here's a useless tidbit:  The updated Looney Tunes Show (Cartoon Network) is pretty darn good!  The old gang has fun in the new millenium, and additional tidbits about the characters are revealed.  If you think that Yosemite Sam might not be a good house guest, you're right!

This morning [author note:  this is a different morning] my body told me to take it easy and skip the run and/or workout.  I’m actually disappointed, but my body knows best.  I may still work out later in the day, but now I can admire the sunrise, go through my notes, and watch the Today Show before breakfast.  I am slowly but surely adjusting to the retirement lifestyle.  That said, if a viable employment opportunity comes along, I’m grabbing it.  Same if IT consulting takes off at some point – and it just might.  Lately I’ve noticed that I am sharp as a tack, and physically I am almost as strong as I was back in the day – actually stronger by some measures.  My only concern is working long hours; I would like to avoid that at all costs.  The return just isn’t worth it any longer in my opinion.

I have worked out 14 of a possible 23 days so far in the month of August.  Longest layoff was August 9-11.  And I am starting to swagger again – but I’m doing a pretty good job of catching myself in the act and turning it off.  “Pride leads to disgrace, but with humility comes wisdom.”  -- Proverbs Chapter 11 Verse 2

Every once in a while, the pendulum will swing your way.  When it does, you should be prepared to take full advantage.

Just two minutes ago, I figured out what I should have said when a bunch of managers turned against me to put me in my place six years ago.  I’m elated to finally have the answer, but disappointed that it took me six years to figure it out.  Oh well.  Next time, I’ll be ready.

The American Political Jumbo Jet

The U.S. political system is designed to make slow but sure corrections, much like a jumbo jet. Rather than making sharp adjustments, it makes wide turns and gradual course changes. Any attempt to make an extreme change in course might result in a crash, and sometimes extreme changes are even corrected automatically.  Immediate change is accomplished only with the assistance of a catastrophic event, e.g. lightning, a collision, an explosion, or very bad weather.

The American system of tripartite government excels at preventing sudden changes in policy no matter what the sentiment of the people.  There are, however, certain exceptions to this rule.  The Supreme Court, for example, can single-handedly effect change, but not in a directed fashion.  See Roe v. Wade, the legalization of abortion in the United States, in 1973.  The Supreme Court can overturn this decision if it is presented again and make abortion illegal if five or more Justices agree to overturn the 1973 verdict.  Changes in the socio-political leanings of  Justices do not happen often; neither do Supreme Court appointments.  The anticipated rulings of the Supreme Court are set up for the long haul by a sitting President to the best of his or her ability to do so, and that direction may last for many years after he or she leaves office.

The concept of checks and balances makes ramming any new law through the legislative process extremely difficult. Legislation can only be ratified when the President, a majority of the members of the House of Representatives, and a majority of the Senate all agree that it should become law. Neither house can enact anything without the other house’s assent and the President’s approval. All in all, the system works pretty well; if there’s a problem, it’s that America’s politicians are far too comfortable with the status quo, and that “kicking the can down the road” until the next Congressional or Presidential election has become de rigeur in Washington issue-centric politics. As a result, every once in a while the American political jumbo jet threatens to run out of fuel and fall out of the sky, as it recently almost did with the debt ceiling debate/debacle. Fortunately, Americans are among the best in the world at conjuring happy endings out of crisis situations.

A Hollywood director might have added a couple of over-the-top flourishes to the debt ceiling crisis – for example, a spaghetti-western-style barroom fistfight between President Obama and House Speaker John Boehner – but the outcome would have been pretty much the same:  no lessons were learned, and the audience is by and large left dissatisfied. However, if Hollywood had produced the debt ceiling drama, the process might have generated some cash – and that cash could have paid America’s bills for a couple of weeks!