RAMBLINGS VOL VII – DISASTER WEEK SPECIAL

 In an eight-day period, my town in Maryland was hit by thunderstorms, lightning storms, an earthquake, and a hurricane.  The oddsmakers say that a locust attack is most likely to happen next, followed closely by raining frogs.

So yesterday our landline phone rings, and it’s that “800 Service” on the caller ID again. They have been calling for over a year, and I keep telling them that they have the wrong number, and they apologize and keep on calling. This call flipped a switch in my brain, and instead of snapping or letting them get under my skin, I went straight to "devious" mode. I checked the call log, wrote down the number, and called them back. I gave the poor sap who answered all kinds of tortuous phone shizzle while advising him that every time they called me, I would call them back. He thought that he would just stay on the line and frustrate me, but I totally out-frustrated him. At one point he pretended to put me on hold while he allegedly looked for his supervisor; I advised him to “hurry up already”. He then handed the phone to his supervisor, a Ms. XXXXX, and I told her the same thing I told him. (While I was doing this I wrote down her name so I could ask for her the next time I called.) After hearing me repeat my new mantra two or three times, she was smart enough to hang up.

Now that these telezombies know that I have their phone number and can be a bigger a-hole than they ever anticipated, I’m pretty sure I won’t be hearing from then again. If I do, I have unlimited service and a lot of time on my hands.

[Yes, I know about the Do Not Call Registry, and it works like a charm on all of our cellphones – but not on the landline for some reason.]

Our hurricane weekend in Washington DC has gone about as expected:  two power outages totaling about 14.5 hours.  What was unexpected were the two dozen or so power “dips”, which can be quite unsettling.  As of this writing power is up but Comcast (cable, Internet, and land line) is still down.  All in all, we cannot complain one bit.  Two things that went right on my spending list are: a good, dependable portable television set, and a whole crapload of C or D batteries to keep the thing running.

Random hurricane-induced ramblings follow:

Vanilla wafers are best eaten two at a time.

I like when babies point at things.

These power dips reminded me that everything you know and love can be taken away just like that.

When you know that a power outage is coming, if at all possible you should make a batch of chili beforehand.  It will come in handy.

Blackout Breakfast:  Two pieces of buttered toast make the foundation of the plate (you can still make toast if you have a gas-powered stove).  Top that with a big mound of piping-hot chili, and top that with two fried eggs.  This should be accompanied by a nice cold beverage.  Cheese, alcohol and dessert are optional.

I saw the first bit of blue sky at approximately 10:20AM Sunday morning, August 28.

In our region, it looks like Virginia definitely got the worst of it.  Two million households without power, from what I last heard.  DC looks to be OK; the trains and buses never stopped running down here.  NYC is a mess in more ways than one.  Word is spreading that the real reason NYC mass transit was shut down was to prevent widespread looting.  That said, it’s time to let out a well-kept secret:  the biggest, nastiest, scariest bunch of potential looters are the police.  They are credentialed professionals whereas the other potential looters are casual amateurs.  I am not by any means denigrating all law enforcement officials; I am just speaking on a well-known truth.

I would guess that within a month the pollen level here will skyrocket to record heights due to the unbelievably wet and damp August weather.

It’s now 8PM Sunday evening and we still have no TV or Internet.  Fortunately, I am getting tired, as I did get out and do my Sunday run this afternoon.  I believe that a nap is in my immediate future, followed by another big bowl of chili and a Dunkin’ Donut.  That should knock me out but good!

[Author’s note:  I did get some sleep but am now awake and on the prowl as usual.  Comcast went back online at about 9PM.  Knock wood, I am truly glad that this stretch of bad stuff is over.  It’s over, right?  Right?]