RAMBLINGS VOL. WHATEVER – I MEAN XIII

[Pictured above is Mehki, my great-grandson-in-law, a few years ago.  He's roughly twice that size now!]

Being 50 is tiring but fun!

I’m into my second week of feeling good when I wake up.  It has been many, many years since I felt this way.

I committed Psalms Chapter 23 verses 1-5 to memory in one day.

My sister Adrienne passed away last Tuesday.  I lost one of the few people that truly care about me.  I lost a good friend.  I lost my only sister.  Among other things, she was the only person who texted me.  As things turn out, since her loss I have already traded texts with Juanita, our brother’s daughter.  Coincidence?  I think not.

I am writing about Adrienne’s death here because it is now part of my daily thought process, so it belongs here.  Today I am going to try on the entire funeral ensemble to ensure that everything fits together.

Adrienne would want to know that I continued rambling in this fashion, so that’s what I’m going to do.

Last night, the NY-to-DC bus rolled through the ‘hood (northeast DC) on the way to Union Station, causing me to reminisce about the “good old days” growing up in the ‘hood.  That’s all nice and dandy until the bus stops and you have to get out and you’re in the ‘hood in the middle of the night.  It’s dank, it’s ugly, it smells, and it’s dangerous.

I haven’t written anything in more than two weeks.  This is partly because I am still mourning, but also because I am in a rut.  It’s a pretty good rut as ruts go, though.  I’m still exercising, eating right, praying, studying a lot more, applying for jobs, and generally doing things as they should be done on my end.  But the world keeps turning, people keep dying, and I’m not seeing any tangible progress on my end.  It’s a little discouraging.  On the bright side, I’m not letting it get to me by slacking off in any areas; I’m still making all my appointments and keeping all the promises that I make.  I know that things will eventually break, and when they do, I will be prepared.

The issue of futility rears its ugly head every now and again.  What is the point of trying to do the right thing?  THAT IS EXACTLY THE POINT.  WE ARE THE POINT.

Adrienne finally found a comfortable place, and was then summoned to a more comfortable place.  I will miss her, and I will live my best life for as long as I can, and my goal will always be to find that comfortable place.  Until I see Adrienne on the other side, I won’t know whether her passing was a cruel irony or a fait accompli.  That is how the Lord wants it.

It’s not all that bad.

You are never too old to set another goal or to dream another dream. - C.S. Lewis

I’m now in the part of my mourning where I’m not mourning Adrienne all the time any more, and when I think of this it shames me a little.  But that is just how it is.  The same thing will happen when I die – I hope.

It’s amazing how I have stopped writing!  It’s partially because I miss Adrienne, but also because I just haven’t felt like it until now.  OK, break over.

God is on my side!  He/she is helping me to get it right!